All You Wanted
by Ishuzu
Summary: Alt ending to "Into the Woods". Buffy gets to Riley in time, but soon realizes her true feelings: she doesn't love him. Can she find what she's missing in someone she never considered but is all she ever wanted? SB
1. The Ending that Wasn't

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It belongs to Joss and his minions.   
  
Summery: Alternate ending to "Into the Woods" in Season 5and following AU. Buffy managed to get to Riley in time, but was it such a good thing? Now she sees the truth about her feelings for him and she begins to fall apart. But can she find salvation in someone she'd never considered but has all she ever wanted?  
  
NOTE: IMPORTANT!!!! Dawn IS NOT the Key in this story, nor is Glory a threat, nor am I going to put any of that into my fic. This is a romance/angst slight-AU. Thank you. ^_^   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"But you miss the point! You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he's the one that comes along once in a lifetime. He's never held back with you. He's risked everything. And you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums? If he's not the guy, if what he needs from you just isn't there, let him go. Break his heart, and make it a clean break. But if you really think you can love this guy ... I'm talking scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need ... if you're ready for that ... then think about what you're about to lose."  
  
Her eyes filled with tears as she realized what he was saying was more true than anything she'd ever known. The dark-haired, dark-eyed boy before her stared expectantly into her eyes and she wanted to tell him everything. How she'd found Riley in the arms of a vamp-for-hire, how they'd argued, how she had been ready to give it all up just a few seconds ago and now... Xander. One of her two best friends in the whole world. She wanted to say thank you.   
  
"Xander..."   
  
His eyes were enough to silence her. "Run," he said.   
  
And she did. She ran until her chest burned and her breath and steps were like machinery. She ran until she couldn't possibly go any farther... And then she ran some more.   
  
He tried not to pace or look back at the helicopter, even though he could hear the propellers turning slowly, like a warning. Every two seconds he looked up, thinking he heard a noise but finding nothing. Finally, sighing, he turned his back and stepped into the helicopter. Graham nodded an affirmative to the pilot and the helicopter lifted into the sky.   
  
Buffy turned the corner and saw that she'd come only a bit too late. No... She wasn't ready to lose him, not yet...  
  
"RILEY! RILEY!"  
  
Nothing. Complete silence where any noise was drowned out by the hot hum of the propellers. It made it easier to leave. He sighed, leaning back on the seat and waited.   
  
"RILEY!"  
  
He stared ahead at the darkness and the tops of the trees. He'd said goodbye to everything he'd known once. "Goodbye, Iowa..." he'd said on his way to Sunnydale, California. He could do it again.   
  
Goodbye, Initiative. Goodbye, Professor Walsh, Forrest, Adam... Goodbye, Sunnydale... Goodbye... Buffy...  
  
"RILEY!"  
  
Buffy?!  
  
"RILEY!"  
  
BUFFY! He didn't know how he heard her but when he looked down, he could see her blonde hair thrashing wildly in the artificial wind. Buffy.   
  
"SET 'ER DOWN!"   
  
"FINN, WE'RE ALREADY IN THE AIR!"   
  
"IT'S TOO LATE, RILEY! LET IT GO!"   
  
"IT'S NEVER TOO LATE, NOT NOW! NOT WHEN SHE'S DOWN THERE, WAITING FOR ME, SO GODDAMNIT, SET 'ER DOWN!!!"  
  
It felt so good to hold her in his arms. Like he would melt away into her. He could never let this happen, never again. It didn't matter if she didn't feel exactly the way he did. He would make her feel that way, make her love him just as much. And for the time being, he had enough love for the both of them.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Everything that plagued her mind seemed to slip away until their night was done and he had fallen into a deep sleep. Though it was almost four in the morning, her hazel-green eyes stayed focused on the ceiling, wide and awake. Maybe this had proved that she really loved him. Of course, she did but this was true proof. She had let go of everything he had done and all that had been said and seen to make him happy for a few hours. Granted, she could never forget seeing the sight of him with that vamp whore and it wouldn't just disappear... more needed to be said... but Riley needed her now. And so she gave him all of her at the time when she was most reluctant. That was real love.   
  
She felt him stir in his sleep and a hand came to rest at the nape of her neck.   
  
"I love you..." He said.   
  
"I love you too..." And right then, she believed it.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Slayer..."   
  
"Spike..." Her eyes raked over him and then back up to meet with his. Slowly, they trailed downward again she stared hungrily at his lips. Finally, she leaned forward and caught them with her own and he drank the taste of her. But something made him pull away, look her full in those eyes and say,   
  
"Buffy... I love you."   
  
"I love you too." She murmured and he knew she did. That said, as he'd wanted to say it for a long time and hear that same response in return, he took her in his arms, his hands shakily moving over her as he absentmindedly whispered in her ear.   
  
"Oh, God, Buffy... I love you so much... I need you, Buffy..."   
  
Suddenly, he was jolted from his sleep, gasping for air. "Bloody HELL..." he groaned before crashing backwards onto the bed. That was the fourth time this week he'd had that dream. Only this time, she'd said she loved him back. So... Spike was getting a little needier these days...  
  
He crossed the room and tapped his last pack of cigarettes before pulling one out and searching for a lighter. It was insane, this infatuation... Of course, he knew it wasn't just predatory lust. He had heard himself declare love, REAL love, to the Slayer enough times to believe it. Sighing, he reached into the pocket of his trench coat, discarded on a random coffin, and pulled out his lighter. He didn't know what was happening to him but every dream that involved Buffy ended with tender kisses and a wave of passion that felt as if it could never be ebbed.   
  
Growling, he made his shaking hands into fists and let the cigarette. He turned to lean against the wall. Bloody bitch was driving him off the deep end... Then, Spike paused and looked down at the cigarette between his lips. He'd lit the filter end.   
  
"Bloody hell..." 


	2. Not Tonight

Xander smiled across the room at Buffy who was standing with Willow behind the cash register. She felt his kind eyes on her and turned to give a secret grin back. She didn't have to say that Xander had saved her relationship with Riley. They both knew it well enough. Yet, Alexander Harris had to smile. He was Anne Landers and Dr. Abby all in one... In a... VERY... MANLY... sort of way...   
  
Suddenly, a small hand slipped into his and he turned to find Anya leaning on his shoulder. She just smiled and cuddled her Xander. He wrapped his free arm around her and nuzzled her cheek. Again, nothing needed to be said.   
  
"I'm dating a twenty-two year old musician-slash-pimp!"   
  
"WHAT?!" was the collective response to the comment made by Dawn, who had been sitting at the table studying quietly up until now.   
  
"Sorry... The silence was starting to get creepy..." She turned back to her geometry and mumbled, "Jeeze, can anyone take a joke...?"   
  
Buffy sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. God, someday she would--   
  
"You okay?" Riley whispered sweetly.   
  
Startled, the blonde stared up at her boyfriend and then smiled reassuringly. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine."   
  
He reached down to take her hand, but she slipped away, purely by reflex.   
  
"I-I think I hear Giles calling me from the training room..." With that false alibi, she stumbled into the back room and sat down against a badly-beaten vampire dummy.   
  
Okay... So she hadn't exactly talked everything over with Riley like she'd wanted to... It was just... Things were really complicated, what with Giles having her train extra hard and classes and Mega Dawn-Watching and her mom in the hospital... Sighing, she tilted her head forward and tried to collect herself. She'd talk to him tonight.   
  
"Oh! What's the matter, Slayer? Did the mean old dummy tire you out? Or are you so depressed because you don't have anyone to REALLY fight with...?" Spike threw off his trench coat and grinned. "Care to take me on?"   
  
"How the HELL did you get in here?!" she said, answering his questions with one of her own. Spike dropped the smirk and mumbled,   
  
"Window was open..."   
  
"Yes, because we ALL know you can't come through the front door like all the other respectable monsters..."   
  
"Hey, are we going to fight or just have a witty banter contest?"   
  
"Well, I would fight you, Spike, but seeing as you're a neutered and HELPLESS little thing who couldn't even poke me too hard without serious cranial damage, I guess I'll have to get MY kicks ELSEWHERE..." And as if that didn't say enough, as she made her way to the door leading back into the Magic Box, she turned her pretty, blonde head and said bitterly, "And you should too..."   
  
"Bloody bitch..." Spike mumbled, picking up something sharp and shiny before throwing it and watching as it sliced the head off the faux vamp.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Riley stared skeptically at Buffy as he drove her home, but making sure to keep his eyes on the road like a good driver should. She stared out the widow, her head against the glass, looking about a hundred years older than she really was. Riley bit his lip and stopped at a red light, thinking.   
  
Buffy had been really quiet today. Reserved too. Happy, he thought, she seemed happy enough... with her friends. But how could he not notice that she hadn't touched him once that day. And she also hadn't brought up the vamp nest he'd... Anyway, he had been really prepared for it. He had a little speech (okay, well, a long speech with footnotes) but she hadn't said anything. And he didn't want to be the one to bring it up. But it just wasn't right. She was so... distant. Sighing, he turned into her driveway and made his decision. He was going to bring up the vamp nest, simply because he swore he'd make her love him as much as he did her. And it would be no way to start off their new life together with these feelings.   
  
They went up to the front door and Buffy turned to say goodnight, but Riley stopped her effectively.   
  
"Uh... Buffy... Do you mind if we go upstairs? There's something I want to talk to you about."   
  
She hesitated. Dawn was away at a friend's house for the night. Her mom was still at the hospital, but had told her to go and do some other things. She would be released the next day, if all was fine. Buffy nodded and she let him in.   
  
There was a pause as they both sat on her bed, staring at the peach carpet. Finally, he took in a deep breath and said,   
  
"Buffy, listen... About what happened the other night--" He didn't even make it as far as 'please let me explain' in his rehearsed speech before she looked up at him. Her eyes were enough to stop him in his tracks.  
  
"Riley... Please... Not tonight. I don't want to talk about it tonight." She never unlocked their gazes as she reached for the collar of his coat to pull him forward. "Let's not talk about it tonight..."   
  
Well... OKAY! Riley should have felt happy to be off the hook, he supposed, but when he kissed Buffy, he knew that something was still wrong. But he didn't want to push her to talk. Instead, he just pulled her closer and clung tighter to her small form.   
  
Buffy took this as a sign that her boyfriend wanted sex so she began to unbutton her blouse through the kiss. Riley paused, taking all of this in and decided to let her continue, if that's what she wanted. Buffy knew that she had hardly looked at Riley all day, let alone touched him, so it was only fair. Riley kissed her and shut off the good-guy part of his brain that made him wonder.  
  
Later, Buffy lay awake again, Riley sleeping and breathing easy by her side. Once in a while, she fell into an uneasy sleep but every time the same dream jolted her back to reality. Riley was talking to her and, no doubt by the expression on his face, saying something important. But every time, all she heard was silence. 


	3. What's to Come

He watched her quietly from a distance, not wishing to disturb her while she was at "work". And, so, he watched, still quietly, as the vamp took her by the arm and twisted, as she cried out and used the fist of the same arm to smash him in the face, as her opponent paused long enough to let her sweep her feet under him and then give him a good, hard kick before producing a stake. And, naturally, he didn't need to wait and watch quietly to know what would come next. But he watched (quietly) anyway until the whole charade came to a dusty ending.   
  
"Ooo, Slayer..." He taunted as she walked by, soon stopping to roll her eyes. "Lookit you! Walking with that arrogant strut! Think you might be getting a little cocky. John Travolta was humble compared to that..." His eyes surveyed her body as she turned to stare at him.   
  
"Listen, Spike... Night's been slow and I'm feeling restless. So, unless you want to see your own, cocky ass stuck to this here wooden, death-stick--"  
  
"Spare me," he sighed in a lamentable fashion. "Besides, shouldn't you be satisfied enough with your astro boy-toy without having to sneak out so late and hunt for vamps?"   
  
Her face flushed. "I was patrolling..."   
  
"No... At two in the morning, luv, you're hunting..." He grinned, crossing his arms over his broad chest and stated, "Well, now I guess we know exactly where YOU get YOUR kicks..."   
  
She turned, haughtily, but obviously shaken, and began to stalk toward the cemetery gates.   
  
"That's right!" Spike laughed, happy he'd won for a change. "Go on back to your happy home and your Teutonic lapdog... Save the hunting for me."   
  
She turned on her heel and glared. "Don't try to get me into a fight. I'm tired of it. Besides, that chip in your head would rip your brain in half before you'd throw the first blow."  
  
Spike glared and said nothing. She didn't have to remind him EVERY time... Buffy was all the way to the gate before she said,   
  
"And Riley is NOT TEUTONIC!" The gate swung open and slammed shut. Spike flinched.   
  
"Whatever you say, luv..."   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy entered the Magic Box and saw that everyone was there, though not in full Scooby-mode. Dawn looked up from her chemistry and said,   
  
"The Slayer's back. Look busy."   
  
Buffy gave her sister a fake smile and a "nice to see you too" through clenched teeth. Xander smiled and wandered over to Buffy.   
  
"Hey, Buff! Sup?" Before she could answer, like a magician, Xander produced a chicken foot which he then waved in Buffy's face.   
  
"Check it out!"  
  
Immediately, Buffy snatched it away before tossing it in the trashcan.   
  
"Hey!" Anya cried. "Those are terribly expensive! Be careful with them!"   
  
"Well, seeing as we're giving them away with every purchase because no one would want to PAY for a dismembered, chicken appendage, I say discard as many as you like."   
  
Buffy smiled at Giles, who then picked up a book and began to ascend the rickety shop ladder with it.   
  
"Mmm..." Buffy nodded and sat down next to Willow and Tara. "And what excuse are we using for the complimentary feet?"   
  
"Valentine's Day." Willow grinned. "Tell a novice they're an aphrodisiac and you got no questions from the customers." Tara smiled and twirled a piece of Willow's soft, wavy hair around her slender finger.   
  
Valentine's Day. The blonde slayer closed her eyes, wondering if she was the first woman with a boyfriend who'd ever forgotten the day to end all lover's days. Clearing the cobwebs from her head, Buffy remembered that it was Saturday, two days away. She hadn't gotten anything for Riley, let alone planned any kind of romantic evening. Okay, so she'd been kind of scatter-brained lately but what had caused the giant, mental-road block on Buffy Street?   
  
Sighing, she stood and began to pace when it suddenly hit her that no customers had come into the store since she'd arrived.   
  
"Where are all the people?"   
  
"Dunno..." shrugged Xander. "It's been a slow day."   
  
"Yes..." Anya sighed gloomily and dropped into a chair beside Xander, absentmindedly playing with a chicken foot. "We haven't had one all day. The cash register is dusty and I miss their money."  
  
"As we expect..." nodded Giles, who had returned from his trip to the extra-powerful books.   
  
"Plus we don't have any bad guys around to ruffle feathers..." said Tara who looked sort of bored. "Nothing but class, eating, sleeping and hanging around here."   
  
"Mm, mind-numbing monotony!" Xander gave a zealous grin. "Must mean that something bad's gonna happen real soon!"   
  
"Splendid..." Buffy said sarcastically. "Just what I need." 


End file.
